2023 Year in Review - Rock N Roll, Confidence, and The Opposite of Privilege

1 year ago we fired our team and shut down our company.

2 years ago I got dumped, I was hemorrhaging money by the tens of thousands (which I cared A LOT about at the time), and was coming to terms with my auto-immune issues just not getting better.

But you know, today things are alright.

I really like the quote that all bad luck becomes good luck with a long enough time horizon.

That relationship wouldn’t have lasted, financial worries would have kept me paralyzed and enslaved to my trading accounts, staying beautiful would have stifled my character development. Oh, and that company we put on hold, we got some great opportunities by walking away.

Sure life would be easier without setbacks, but life isn’t supposed to be easy, as evinced by every person I’ve met who has had it too easy (they suck).

This year of really living has been just what the doctor ordered. I got a job in a role I thought I’d hate (growth), and turns out I’m great at it (a great mentor helps), which has helped with that business we walked away from, my music networking and strategy, and my side business ambitions.

Life is funny sometimes. It’s random, but you can reduce the degrees of freedom by just picking something to work on and having good habits. Success isn’t guaranteed, but not showing up on the hard days guarantees you won’t succeed.

I spent too much time sick this year, in quasi-romantic quasi-relationships, distracted at times, but I also dragged myself to shows, open mics, social outings. We vote with our time, and if I care about those things, I sure as hell better show that to myself.

Our self-esteems are just our assessments of ourselves compared to who we want to be, and I can say mine is higher than ever, not because of affirmations or “self-acceptance” or because I’m selfish or the media tells me I’m great and deserve things (look at me, it doesn’t lol), but because I did what I promised myself I’d do, especially when it sucked.

12 months ago I’d never been on a stage. 5 months ago I played with a full band to a crowd of 80. Since then I’ve played a handful of REAL GIGS, which felt unattainable 12 short months ago. It really is amazing what consistency yields: results. In total I played in front of at least a small crowd over 100 times this year—that is insane.

I have no qualms about being onstage anymore, and as my mom put it (paraphrased) “I am really myself up there”. Miles and I have been having a lot of fun with it, and while I found myself pushing a little too hard at times, I am trying to take a more Taoist approach to the whole thing, (i.e. letting it come to me).

I was having lunch with a friend who is VERY successful, and I was feeling inadequate, reflecting on how many times I’ve chosen the less beaten path, and how far behind I sometimes feel career-wise (this friend is younger too), but then I remembered, I didn’t move to the city to make money or chase praise from people wearing Rolexes, I moved to this city to write the best possible story for myself and to meet like-minded, kind people who want to win.

You can spend 70 hrs a week working one job, or you can spend 70 hrs a week working 3 that fulfill you, and that’s a choice I need to remember I made, especially on the days I’m tired and don’t want to do anything (that’s most of them).

As for relationships, idk man.

As much as I would like to find someone to share all this with, I’ve found that you can’t build two things at once, no matter what those two things are; human brains are single threaded.

I dabbled in dating this year, if you can even call it that. To make a long story short, I was distracted with my world domination plan, and as much as I was clear with my intentions, better to not play with fire, even carefully.

When you’re 25, you don’t care as much about these thing, whether through ignorance or lack of maturity, but when you’re almost 30, you realize just how much agency you have, and how much of an impact you can make on the world, and more importantly, on people.

I’m rambling.

2023 happened in a big way, and I’m proud of myself not for who I am, but for what I did.

At 25, I got a bad case of alopecia, probably from working too much, and I decided I’d put off dating, music, and ultimately “living” until it grew back. After trying every single treatment available, and experiencing a couple random teases of hair regrowth, it mostly hasn’t, and it took me 4 years to realize that you can’t wait to live. We all have excuses for why we’re not doing the thing, doing what makes us happy, etc, and some of them might be good, but time still marches, you just have to decide when you join the parade, and I wish I’d joined earlier.

Living is strange though, because you realize most people aren’t.

Living isn’t going to work, having brunch, facing upper middle class adversity.

Living is taking the hand you were given seeing how far you can play it.

I abhor the notion of privilege for a number of reasons, but the biggest has got to be the agency it robs from everyone. I don’t judge people by the color of their skin or even the content of their character, I judge them by what they’re doing with what they’ve got.

Some people are born beautiful, smart, amiable, scrupulous, and that’s fine, but if they’re floating through life collecting a six-figure salary because they were born in the right zip code, that’s privilege.

Living is the opposite of privilege.

Some people are very put off by this way of actually living, but some people dig it, and well, those two groups emerging are how you know you’re doing it right.

The people to avoid are the people who assume your success means life happened to you in a good way. They cannot fathom that you might have created your luck, because they’ve never created anything.

Go happen to life, it’ more fun that way.

I have remained positive, I have chased my goals, I have spoken my mind, and even if I sometimes am wrong or outrageous, I’d rather learn how to be a better version of myself than be a better version of what I think others might want me to be.

I threw away all notions of trying to maintain my image, and in the process, I have more friends that I actually want, more confidence, more respect (from and for people), and I generally feel amazing doing me, especially knowing that some people won’t like me for me (again, that’s how you know you’re being authentic). I’m most grateful for the new friends I’ve made, and the friends I’ve had a chance to get closer with, with some runner ups being rock n’ (chyea) roll, bikes, family, and self-assuredness.

Goals remain the same: continue becoming a better startup guy, keep growing the music brand to get the point where I’m playing shows for 50-100 strangers, read hard books, and try to be a better person while showing up for the people I care about.

Happy New Year